Spring Time Injuries!

Here in the southeastern United States it is springtime. That means wasps, snakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, and pollen...gloriously yellow-green pollen. Each year I am amazed at how quickly it all happens. One second the trees are barren and the next they are loaded with leaves. Similarly, we go from cool/cold to hot in a nano-second.


I have already begun my mowing chores and as a result, suffered my first injury of the year. Usually, I take time to prune the numerous trees on our property before I make my first round on the mower, but this time I did not bother.


I maneuvered around a medium sized oak tree, my eyes focused on the deck wheels of my mower; I do that to assure I maximize the entirety of cutting width. As I looked up I was met by a smallish limb that proceeded to hit me squarely upon my nose and forehead. My glasses sat catawampus on my face as I felt a trickle of blood drip from the bridge of my damaged breathing appendage.


Instinctively, I brought one hand to my face, the other still holding onto one handle of the zero radius steering mechanism on my mower. This sent my mower into a tail spin in the middle of our front yard. Picture, if you will, a sunburned guy holding his nose, his glasses riding askew on his face, and his mower spinning donuts in the middle of his yard.


My neighbor was apparently outside and watching all this transpire. His laughter could be heard over the roar of my mower engine and turning blades. To say I was ecstatic about his elation at my expense is probably an exaggeration. Had I been able to see properly, I would have pressed forward and run him over with my mower. Alas, all I could do was spin counterclockwise and hold my injured nose, and simply be mad that I couldn't watch his body being cut into a million pieces and thrown in a hundred directions at once.


Don't get me wrong--I like my neighbor, but he seems to take great joy anytime he sees that I've suffered an injury.


To be fair, I reckon I would have laughed at anyone spinning haphazardly on a mower while bleeding. Now that I think about it, it is kind of funny.

Chasing Our Pier and My Testicles Are in My Ears

Okay, you're probably wondering why my testicles are in my neck. We'll get to that soon enough. For now, allow me the indulgence to describe what led up to them being lodged a few feet higher than normal.

Alabama has received its Godly share of rain thus far in 2019. So much so, that our backyard, two acres or so that I normally spend significant time mowing, flooded--and remains flooded as I type this. Now, our problems are first world problems, and I readily admit that. We own a house on a long, narrow lake, built by the Army Corps of Engineers in the mid-1960's to help ease flooding further downstream, and to allow for a method of irrigation for farmers in the same area. Several years ago, a local farmer got the bright idea to bring his John Deere to the spillway and rip the water control lever from the concrete control mechanism because he didn't feel as though his cows were getting enough water (oh, how I would like to meet this guy today).

Three years ago, we had torrential rain and the same area flooded, so we knew the risk, but proceeded to have a forty foot pier put in so I could fish without having to drag my boat to the launch and do all things required of a fisherman intent on hauling in the big one. The pier formed the top of a "T" at its farthest reach into the water, a design element brought to life by Cathy and one that I quickly grew to love.


Once again, Alabama was pummeled by rain and wind, the former pulling our pier from its muddy sediment and the latter pushing it down the lake like a child's paper sail boat in a rain gutter. I awoke this past Saturday to my neighbor explaining to me that "your pier is gone."


"What do you mean 'it's gone'?" I asked.
"Gone, as in ain't there no more," he replied.


Sure enough, our pier had drifted down lake like a space aged monolith in search of a different form of life. Atop it sat the bench I had bought and placed two years earlier, unbolted and just riding along for the pure enjoyment. My neighbor, Danny, and I hopped in his boat, me with 100 feet of rope in tow, and headed toward the pier which now floated on the opposite side of the lake some quarter of a mile from its original perch.

As soon as we tied off the pier, Danny began having engine trouble on the boat. He attempted to crank it several more times, but to no avail. This is where I made my first critical mistake.

We decided to drop the trolling motor in the water so he could take his boat to the shop. Instead of tying the pier to a nearby tree, I simply tossed the rope on top of the pier and we rode off.

He called me a couple nights later to tell me his boat was fixed and that we could try to fetch it the next day. Remember that mistake I made?

We dropped the boat in the water and headed east where we left the pier. It was gone! The water was murky due to all the rain, and we both assumed it had sunk. We cruised around that end of the lake in search of my pier, but couldn't locate it, so we turned west and headed back for the boat launch.

I happened to glance further west and there it was--my pier! Instead of it being a quarter mile from our house, however, it had drifted about a mile. Here's where things started getting tough. We tied the 100 ft. rope to two legs on the pier, but due to the weight of the floating monolith he could not steer the boat.

I sat on the deck of the boat, rope in each hand, braced my legs and would pull one side then the other, which would cause the rear of the boat to turn. It also made the pier weave back and forth as we trudged along at half a knot per hour. For what seemed like forever, we weaved west toward my property, my arms screaming every time I pulled the rope to help steer the boat.

Finally, after two long hours of tugging and steering, and after feeling as though my arms would dislodge from my shoulder sockets, we made the turn toward our part of the lake. This is where I made my second critical mistake.

We pulled the pier as far as we could until one of the 4 x 4 legs got caught in the mud. I grabbed Danny's bamboo push stick and began feeling around in the water, checking the depth. At last I found a spot that was about three feet deep, about waist high on me.

I checked to make sure my rubber waders were secure then hopped into the water. Remember I said "second critical mistake?"

Apparently, when I was checking the water depth, the bamboo pole must have hit a tree stump. What are the odds? I landed in water about neck deep and screamed a line of unintelligible expletives as cold lake water rushed into my waders and rose quickly up to my chest. My testicles began clamoring for warmth and landed somewhere around my earlobes. My butthole puckered as I involuntarily squeezed my butt cheeks together. Obviously, my body assumed doing so would somehow warm it up; it was wrong.

As quickly as I could, I tied the pier to a nearby tree the drug the boat to shallower water so I could get back in. Do you have any idea how heavy waders are when they are filled with water? I almost capsized the boat trying to haul myself back in, and when I finally made it, I laid there exhausted. Danny laughed all the way back to the boat launch. I wanted to punch him, but couldn't lift my arms. My teeth were chattering and my testicles hung from my earlobes like two shriveled earrings.

And that is my pier retrieval story.

Making Good Changes

I turned fifty years old this year and suddenly I was put on AARP's mailing radar. They obviously have no idea of my political leanings, nor do they get my disdain for their organization or they may reconsider wasting money sending me literature. That notwithstanding, they see me as a future customer in the not-so-distant future and that is a little alarming.

Being on the backside of middle age also brings on certain ailments. All the damage I willingly imposed on my body in my youth has come back in crashing waves that promise to plague me for my remaining days on this earth. My knees (one operation), my shoulders (both operated on), my mid-back (beaten into submission years ago), my elbow (ruptured bursa), my fingers (all broken at some time in my life), each remind me of the damage inflicted upon them in a quest to sack a quarterback, squat or bench press a Volkswagon Beetle, or take throws while practicing judo.

The truth is, though, even with all the injuries sustained over the years--I got lazy, complacent, and soft. I stopped any meaningful exercise and used those injuries as an excuse. My waistline blossomed and the amount of material used to cover it expanded. I got sick of seeing pictures of myself; they were disgusting.

In December, Cathy and I decided it was time for each of us to embark on a lifestyle change. We now make healthy eating choices and I am back to exercising full force (that's the only way I know how to do things--do them yes, or do them no--no in between). Understand, I am no marathon runner. Even at my peak of physical fitness, running a couple miles was difficult for me, but I am now knocking out five miles and have lost almost thirty pounds. I have a long way to go to reach my final goal, but I'm doing something about it while I still can. Do my knees beg me to stop? Absolutely! Do my shoulders scream at me when I'm lifting weights? You better believe it. Do I sometimes think about stopping? No way. I'm not giving them the satisfaction of slowing me down.

Lastly, I am happy Cathy and I elected to make this change prior to January, as I despise New Year resolutions. We are both healthier, and I love working out again.

Fight on!

Bill Evers Is Heavy On My Mind

A couple months ago, I posted a video detailing how I lost a thumb drive with several manuscripts begun and tabled, then restarted at various intervals over the last couple of years. One project in particular was a non-fiction work featuring individual stories of struggles and triumphs; I hate that I lost that one most especially. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I hold out hope I'll find that little drive and rejuvenate those lost works. 

Included in that menagerie of works were a few Bill Evers manuscripts also at varying levels of non-completion. So embarrassed and disheartened had I become over losing the jump drive, I refused to sit and begin anew. Yes, I quit--I walked away. 

Bill Evers, however, was having none of my self-pity. He would appear to me in dreams, both sleeping and awake. One such story, tentatively title Infirmus, kept coming back to me. In a peculiar way, it was good that I lost the beginning of that work, some 12,000 words long, because the newest "version," the one Evers continues to push me to write is better. I write that, not in my opinion, but as someone who loves action/adventure/paranormal/conspiracy theory books. 

As with my previous novels, Of Blood and Stone and Occam's Razor, new(ish) technology is interwoven in the storyline. I am often reminded of a quote by the famous Kurt Vonnegut when he said, "I think that novels that leave out technology misrepresent life as badly as Victorians misrepresented life by leaving out sex."

I have been of a similar opinion as the meticulously verbose Mr. Vonnegut, although I could never possibly have articulated this thought in such a gloriously abbreviated way. In fact, I do believe that modern technology will eventually lend itself to a significant decline in morality, which will also lead humanity down a path of certain and inevitable destruction. It is, after all, the way of man; we build, we conquer, we destroy, and we are eventually destroyed.

That's a rosy picture I've painted, yes? In the meantime, prior to the end of our wonderful existence, we can immerse ourselves in books, or as my friend Gary often says, "suspend your disbelief." In actuality, much work written by those who engage in such fiction often find their imagination steeped in reality. Sometimes I wonder if remote viewing is a thing. Not sure what that is? Look it up--mind bending stuff (for real) that our government is also fascinated by.

I will keep folks up to date with the newest (renewed) work of fiction both here and on my Facebook author's page. Click HERE if you would like to follow; I would love to have you along for the ride.

Lastly, Faithful Reader, I hope you each have an excellent, healthy, fun-filled 2019 complete with books and things that help you grow in every facet of life!

Christmas and the Holidays

As many of you know, I'm a pretty cynical guy. For a lot of years, I didn't care about the Christmas holiday, and felt that it was over-commercialized (it is!), with little remaining of its true meaning. The speculated birthdate of Christ is on the 25th of December, and should be a time of thanks, reflection, and family gatherings. For so long, I neglected to enjoy any of those things, but as I've aged and come to grips with my own mortality, my thoughts have shifted.


What is even more enjoyable is my family's desire to not have "stuff." Yes, we still exchange gifts, but they have evolved over time to meaningful items that carry with them an emotional value, as opposed to a monetary value. I much prefer a nice photo of my children and their families over other things, or handmade hats and scarves knitted with loving hands, rather than store-bought things.


I value Christmas now because of what it represents, AND what it has evolved into with my family. Getting together and laughing, spending time with one another, eating, and simply carrying on are the greatest gifts in my life. These are the things I have come to value much more so than anything else.


Over the past few weeks, I have had some life changing events transpire. This is what we call life, and learning to roll with the punches is a part of maturity. Appreciating the punches and jabs life throws at you can also be something that we welcome; detesting life's curveballs only serves to push us further into the abyss. So, during this Christmas holiday season, I will be thankful for everything I have and everything I've received, even the not-so-good-stuff, because it all serves a purpose in this old world.


I hope and pray you all have a glorious Christmas season and 2019 brings you each happiness, and whatever you define as prosperity. Having a ton of money doesn't necessarily bring either one of those things, but maintaining a well-oiled sense of self and family will!


Be glorious to one another, hug and love your family (even the family you don't like), and enjoy this holy season.


Merry Christmas!

Time to Consider

I am at a crossroad insofar as my blog is concerned. I use it to convey thoughts, plans, happenings--it is a virtual stream of consciousness that I have enjoyed penning for a few years now. Unfortunately, social media has decided that the content isn't worthy of distribution, or perhaps my readership is such that they want "their cut." I suspect the latter, but that isn't the point of this entry.

Over the past several days, I have considered discontinuing my blog. Since it doesn't seem to be in the best financial interest of the Facebook or Google gods, perhaps it's time I move on to a different form of communication?

I realize this is the second time I've posted about the reverse engine going on with this blog. Understand, I have access to the analytics and can easily see how many page views it is getting, as well as countries it is read in, and upon what devices you are viewing it. No, I have no idea who is using an Android or an iPhone, but it does give me a quantitative number of devices by which the blog is read. It also details the number and type of operating system used to read it. Interesting, huh?

The most important stat of late, though, is the total page views globally. Previous entries have garnered thousands of views--then all of a sudden a hundred or less. I considered the content being produced for my readers, but I have been pretty consistent over the years of being inconsistent regarding topics. What, then, could it be?

Simple deduction tells me that the throttling of my blog (and similar experiences have been logged by many friends attempting to communicate to a broad group of individuals across the web) have coincided with Facebook's sudden financial plunge. Look, I'm a business guy and I understand revenue generation, but to do it on the very backs of those supporting your platform isn't the smartest business plan in the world if you ask me!

So, I am back to my earlier conundrum--do I continue this thing or not? Do you have thoughts on content that you would enjoy reading? I try to keep this relatively light, but would consider much headier topics if demand were high enough to warrant it.

I'm going to give it a few more days and think about it a bit more. The future of this blog is in the various social media outlet's hands. We'll see what they (and you) decide.

Throttling it Back!

I will continue writing about Facebook's practice of unsubstantiated and punitive punishment of anyone they feel threatens their profiteering platform. Facebook--a social media interface created by a pimple faced Harvard kid in order to rate how hot chicks were. Yeah, that's how it got started. Read about it here.

Once it went public, stock holders demanded more profit. Stakeholders, in conjunction with founder Mark Zuckerberg created ad spaces for prospective businesses to share advertisements with members. Their lust for Uncle Sam's fine green currency would never be sated, however. In fact, as artificial intelligence took on a more expanded role, Facebook went after small businesses and people like myself-bloggers who managed some modicum of success. What did they do? They throttled back readership/viewership.

No matter if I tag someone, Facebook will likely not allow you (the owner of your personal page) to post it there. If you are like me, I control who posts what on my page. When someone attempts to post something there, I decide if it gets published. Unfortunately, if you have a successful blog, even if you allow it to be posted, Facebook will likely not allow for it to be posted.

Nice, huh?

Make no mistake: if I chose to pay Facebook to publish my blog to a much larger audience, it would do so without thought (artificial or real).

Now, this: I have spent money with them when I advertise my books. But my blog is free to anyone interested in reading it. I merely share my thoughts about whatever I feel like discussing, but no matter to the democrat-socialists on the left coast. If they don't like my content, or if I'm not paying them, YOU are penalized!

I've always enjoyed the interaction with everyone on my friend's list during the past ten years I've spent on the book of faces, but I must tell you, should this continue, I may just delete my page. It's frustrating to try to express myself, only to watch my readership go from thousands globally to less than two hundred nationally.

Disgusting behavior by you, Zuckerberg--even by your own "community standards."