We got on the road pretty early, beginning our trip around 6:30 am, leaving from the Chicago suburbs heading to Alabama for a weekend visit. Things were going great and we were moving right along, possibly moving at slightly north of the posted speed limit signs, which are sporadically and strategically hidden from view, usually by just behind a state trooper's vehicle.
After cruising through Chicago-land with no issues, we entered Indiana, a state known for farmland, the recently traded Peyton Manning and some race I don't really understand or watch. A couple hours later we rolled into Indianapolis, navigating pretty mild traffic and looking at the small but quaint skyline.
We also noticed a bright light on a helicopter hovering directly over Interstate 65. "Hmmm," I thought, "I bet this is a police copter and they're clocking the speed of drivers out here."
Just a few seconds later my theory was proven correct as an Indiana state trooper's undercover white Dodge pick-up truck light up like Lake Michigan during the fourth of July fireworks display. Not wanting to prolong the inevitable, I began searching for a place to pull over and quickly moved to the shoulder of the highway.
Out of the white undercover Dodge pick-up truck hopped a skinny, young Barney Fife look-a-like, determined to save the greater metropolitan area of Indianapolis from all sort of vehicular mayhem, and I had been targeted as a criminal and supporter of all things evil.
After some fumbling, we managed to locate an expired registration (that's another story not needing to be published at this time :)). I also handed him my driver's license, after which he, the cop, continued to look at me very suspiciously because my wife (Asian) and my step-daughter (Asian) apparently didn't look like they belonged with a white redneck feller. He asked where we were going and I explained that we were heading to my mom's house in Alabama. Again, he looked like he didn't believe me, asked for my step-daughter's license (I reckon he wanted proof that we had the same address), checked the contents of the car (again), checking out my wife's packing of food, water and coffee for the trip, the blankets and pillows my step-daughter had crammed into the back seat, all the while checking my eyes for some obvious twitching brought upon by a recent toke on my crack pipe. I was feeling like I had just been visually accosted and violated by this guy.
He returned to his undercover white Dodge pick-up truck, lights still flashing like the Rockafeller Center Christmas tree in December, ran my license, printed my tickets (yes, plural--another story for another time) and finally returned to our car.
"Seriously? You're giving me two tickets," I asked?
"Yep," he replied.
He returned to his undercover white Dodge pick-up truck (south side of Indianapolis), single bullet in his shirt pocket. I began daydreaming that he would return to Check Point Chicky to report his ticket issuance to Andy, the police chief.
As I published to my Facebook account last night, I hope this guy's undercover white Dodge pick-up truck, which probably patrols the southern end of Indianapolis daily, breaks down, his radio is inoperable and he has to wait for help for hours.
And for now I will close, my personal mayhem currently in check because this guy puts his life on the line for you, my fellow traveler and the millions of people that traverse I-65 who admire the southern portion of Indianapolis, while this state trooper patrols in his undercover white Dodge pick-up truck.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
the top ten catch phrases I hate to hear at work (and my response to each)
10. We need synergy between departments
-Really? Synergy? Is this short for synthetic energy? What does that mean?
9. This presentation doesn't "pop"
-Okay. How 'bout I punch you in the face. I can make that pop!
8. Now, that has the "wow" factor!
-Gay
7. Lean operations
-Look at this belly. Do you think I'm concerned about lean manufacturing?
6. Get on board
-I'm already bored. What did you say?
5. This is huge
-That's what she said.
4. We're up against a hard break
-Are you a sitcom director now? Is it commercial time? And why are you using two prepositions in the same sentence?
3. Think outside the box
-I'm not in a box, I don't have blinders on and I can see the forest for all the trees. Now shut up.
2. He was instrumental in developing this
-I was instrumental? Dude, I was a one-man team. I wasn't "instrumental," I was the instrument AND the mental. Get it right.
1. Let's frame this up
-I tell you what--why don't I bring a few pictures, you bring a few beers and we'll put the photos in some frames. Can I expense those? No? Frame this.
-Really? Synergy? Is this short for synthetic energy? What does that mean?
9. This presentation doesn't "pop"
-Okay. How 'bout I punch you in the face. I can make that pop!
8. Now, that has the "wow" factor!
-Gay
7. Lean operations
-Look at this belly. Do you think I'm concerned about lean manufacturing?
6. Get on board
-I'm already bored. What did you say?
5. This is huge
-That's what she said.
4. We're up against a hard break
-Are you a sitcom director now? Is it commercial time? And why are you using two prepositions in the same sentence?
3. Think outside the box
-I'm not in a box, I don't have blinders on and I can see the forest for all the trees. Now shut up.
2. He was instrumental in developing this
-I was instrumental? Dude, I was a one-man team. I wasn't "instrumental," I was the instrument AND the mental. Get it right.
1. Let's frame this up
-I tell you what--why don't I bring a few pictures, you bring a few beers and we'll put the photos in some frames. Can I expense those? No? Frame this.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
living vicariously through Corporal Klinger
Hanging out for a few days in Toledo, Ohio, which isn't necessarily a vacation destination for most folks, has given me the opportunity to partake in some of the more ethnic foods in some pretty cool neighborhoods and restaurants.
Decimated by the auto industry's financial woes the last several years, the metropolitan Toledo area has seen a lot of its population leave the area. That being said, there are still very diversified and ethnic areas left completely intact; one such place is the Birmingham area of Toledo, which houses a "new" favorite restaurant of mine Tony Packo's.
Jamie Farr made the place a hit in the 1970's when he mentioned the family owned restaurant and pub on the hit show MASH, which resides in Jamie's old neighborhood. As a result the restaurant became a stopping point for a lot of celebrities who willfully signed sandwhich buns for the store owners. These buns were preserved, framed and hung with pride on the walls.
The food is good--not great. But knowing Klinger hung out here made the food seem much better!
So there, I'm a fan and will be returning to this place my next trip to Toledo. There's just something to be said about ambiance in one of those hole in the wall places that we all like frequent whenever possible.
Now, I need to go put my housecoat on, step into my slippers and put my hair in rollers and hope for that section 8!
Decimated by the auto industry's financial woes the last several years, the metropolitan Toledo area has seen a lot of its population leave the area. That being said, there are still very diversified and ethnic areas left completely intact; one such place is the Birmingham area of Toledo, which houses a "new" favorite restaurant of mine Tony Packo's.
Jamie Farr made the place a hit in the 1970's when he mentioned the family owned restaurant and pub on the hit show MASH, which resides in Jamie's old neighborhood. As a result the restaurant became a stopping point for a lot of celebrities who willfully signed sandwhich buns for the store owners. These buns were preserved, framed and hung with pride on the walls.
The food is good--not great. But knowing Klinger hung out here made the food seem much better!
So there, I'm a fan and will be returning to this place my next trip to Toledo. There's just something to be said about ambiance in one of those hole in the wall places that we all like frequent whenever possible.
Now, I need to go put my housecoat on, step into my slippers and put my hair in rollers and hope for that section 8!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
dealing with rejection
My heading is a little misleading because I don't deal with rejection very well. As a matter of fact, I'm taken completely aback at the smallest hint of rejection. Call it competitiveness, egomania, whatever, I simply struggle with rejection.
Today I was rejected and it just doesn't sit with me at all. I've been a competitor my entire life and if I wasn't picked first during a pick up basketball game, dodgeball game or any other sport I got pretty upset. With any signal of rejection I was forced to become better than the individual who slighted me--today is no exception.
Now don't take me wrong...I do understand I will be rejected from time-to-time, but that doesn't make me accept rejection any better today than it did way back when. As a matter of fact, I hope the person who rejected me today boils in an eternal pot of fire far below Dante's seventh inferno; I hope Satan has a special place in hell for the joker who rejected me--but I mean that in a good Christian way, of course.
With that being said, I shall pour forth all my energy to assure I'm not rejected again. And if you happen to reject me.....well, beware; I'll be praying Satan takes you during a horrific nightmare.
Peace and love!
Today I was rejected and it just doesn't sit with me at all. I've been a competitor my entire life and if I wasn't picked first during a pick up basketball game, dodgeball game or any other sport I got pretty upset. With any signal of rejection I was forced to become better than the individual who slighted me--today is no exception.
Now don't take me wrong...I do understand I will be rejected from time-to-time, but that doesn't make me accept rejection any better today than it did way back when. As a matter of fact, I hope the person who rejected me today boils in an eternal pot of fire far below Dante's seventh inferno; I hope Satan has a special place in hell for the joker who rejected me--but I mean that in a good Christian way, of course.
With that being said, I shall pour forth all my energy to assure I'm not rejected again. And if you happen to reject me.....well, beware; I'll be praying Satan takes you during a horrific nightmare.
Peace and love!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
that Mayan calendar...could this really be the end?
My wife and I watch The History Channel, The Learning Channel and most other cable networks showing UFO, Nostradamus and Mayan prophecy kind of stuff. It's interesting to note that so many prophetic calendars have marked the end of our way of life because of stars lining up in the Dark Riff, which purportedly happens approximately every 26,000 years.
I have to admit to giving the prophecies a certain pause, allowing for the potential to the end of days, but my wife is really nervous about this whole thing.
What would the end of the world look like? Is it an attack by ET coming to deplete our natural resources (we've mostly accomplished this already), an as yet undetected meteor slamming into the Earth, nuclear holocaust, another ice age, rising oceans, solar flares, Obama gets re-elected in 2012,etc?
I don't really know if any of the predictions are true. I always have to ask if the doomsday prophecies are correct, why didn't the seers predict their own end? Why would the Mayans predict an end to life they were unaware of--or did they think they would be around 5,000 years later?
Do a bunch of stars lining up have some extra-terrestrial effect on our little rock? Who knows? But I know I don't have any control over it one way or the other and I also know humans are like roaches...we're pretty resilient and if this is the end, short of the Earth being completely destroyed, we'll hang on and start over again. Unfortunately, this means having to learn all of the hard lessons again, as the possibility for mostly idiots to somehow survive tragedy is a given. Mostly intelligent people will probably discount the last of days and will be obliterated.
If you've never read anything by Douglas Adams, I highly recommend him. He was truly a prophet and speaks to this phenomenon in the funniest way possible. Hey Douglas....So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish!
I have to admit to giving the prophecies a certain pause, allowing for the potential to the end of days, but my wife is really nervous about this whole thing.
What would the end of the world look like? Is it an attack by ET coming to deplete our natural resources (we've mostly accomplished this already), an as yet undetected meteor slamming into the Earth, nuclear holocaust, another ice age, rising oceans, solar flares, Obama gets re-elected in 2012,etc?
I don't really know if any of the predictions are true. I always have to ask if the doomsday prophecies are correct, why didn't the seers predict their own end? Why would the Mayans predict an end to life they were unaware of--or did they think they would be around 5,000 years later?
Do a bunch of stars lining up have some extra-terrestrial effect on our little rock? Who knows? But I know I don't have any control over it one way or the other and I also know humans are like roaches...we're pretty resilient and if this is the end, short of the Earth being completely destroyed, we'll hang on and start over again. Unfortunately, this means having to learn all of the hard lessons again, as the possibility for mostly idiots to somehow survive tragedy is a given. Mostly intelligent people will probably discount the last of days and will be obliterated.
If you've never read anything by Douglas Adams, I highly recommend him. He was truly a prophet and speaks to this phenomenon in the funniest way possible. Hey Douglas....So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish!
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