A New Thought!

Writer's block, with me at least, doesn't typically occur after deciding upon a topic.  On the contrary, my sticking point normally hits me when I'm searching for a topic, attempting to force my writing rather than allowing it to just happen.  Contemplative Buddhist monks and laymen tell new followers to allow thoughts to happen naturally during meditation practices; forcing thoughts from your mind will often prove disruptive and frustrating.  Eventually, the practitioner will learn to clear his/her mind during practice providing for a more fruitful meditation. 

Following this example, I sometimes grow frustrated when I can't develop or get my head around a topic.  Frustration breeds more frustration and suddenly I find myself upset at my own inability to formulate a simple thought; the brain synapses seem to have stopped working altogether!  I grow moody and irritable and soon I can't stand being in my own presence.  I feel for those close to me who are confronted with my personal inability to form even the most simple of cognition. 

Finally, after moving through the psychological grieving steps, I accept the fact I will never again be able to put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, thoughts to monitor.  Yes, as much as it pains me I embrace my defeat, finding its unsavory kiss one I want to wipe away but like a bad wreck I'm unable to move my eyes from the ghastly sight.

I move through a mundane life: arise, shower, work, home, sleep, rinse, repeat.  Day after day, I walk this Earth like a robot, my inability to put one unique thought together dragging me further down the rabbit hole.  I grow depressed and wonder about the great thinkers of the world and wonder why they were gifted with gloriously rabid minds.

And then it happens!  When I stop pushing the baby from its womb, the head appears.  Like childbirth, the thought is barely recognizable but quickly takes shape.  The proud father beaming from ear to ear, knocking those around me into walls and on the ground as I sprint to find my computer.

Okay, maybe that last paragraph is a little self indulgent and embellishing, but I do go looking for a computer or at least a pen and paper on which to jot down my idea.  I once again become engrossed in the idea, imagining a story line or theme and soon begin working.  That's where I am now--the idea, the process and the initial creative steps--and I'm very happy. 

The Common Goal

Cathy and I are very blessed and fortunate to have great jobs, as frustrating as they sometimes are, and the ability to work toward a common goal.  Since we've purchased our vacation/retirement home, we've become laser focused on paying it off and planning our future.  We don't take vacations, nor do we go out; we enjoy our time together and know we have a plan, and that makes us both feel good.

Do we think about sitting on a beach and just taking it easy after stressful days, weeks and months at work?  Of course we do.  We both long for some downtime and an escape from reality, but we keep plodding along hoping to finally realize our dream.

I would thoroughly enjoy some time on my bike, listening to the engine and loud pipes screaming along some back country highway.  Sights and smells of America are always on my mind but just a little out of reach for the moment. 

Cathy would like to hang out on a sandy beach or by a pool with little to do, with little on her constantly occupied mind, just the sound of the ocean and wind.  I know she gets weary of being the constant caretaker and needs a break, but onward we march.

Now, I certainly don't want to paint a picture that we are sacrificing anything.  Sacrificing means giving up necessities--at least in my mind it does--we are only postponing those things we want to do so we can have the things we desire.  So, neither of us are looking for sympathy, I'm simply expressing that we are fortunate and we understand that.

So, when that day finally comes....when we have that deed in our hands and I'm no longer enslaved to a bank, don't look for us, we'll be traveling and having fun.  And that is why we remain focused on our common goal.