Conversations With Rex

Some of my best discussions are had with my little buddy, Rex. He has a look that oozes intelligence and personality, while drawing smiles from anyone he encounters. His amicable and steadfast temperament, willingness to listen to my daily complaints or woes, and general all-around love for his mommy and daddy make him the perfect companion.


Rex's innate wisdom and desire to share his own life experiences make it so much easier for me to engage him in dialogue. He was, after all, imprisoned for several months for a crime he did not commit. After adopting Cathy and me, he explained his dilemma in a way only Rex can--


On Prison


Rex--Prison life sucks. I was in a cage, man. Water and a little food each day, paper to pee on, and PT time for an hour. The prison guards were pretty nice, but some of the cats in cells next to me talked about wanting to sink their teeth into me and shake the life from my eleven pound carcass.


Me--That sounds terrible.


Rex--Dude, ain't no prison in North Korea that could touch what I went through. I was a DOW


Me--DOW?


Rex--Dawg of War


On Being a Eunuch


Rex--I woke up, looked down, and suddenly I was a doggie priest. Who does that to someone, man?

Me--Wasn't me, son. I wouldn't have done that to you.


Rex--*points at self*  All this, and no woman will understand what Rex love is about. It's a shame, really.


On Pooping Outside


Rex--I do what I want.


On Grabbing our Shoes and Putting Them on the Couch


Me--I don't understand your shoe fetish. Why do you seek out our shoes and put them on the couch or the bed?


Rex--Look, man. I can only lick my butt for so many hours when you're at work until I lose my mind. You leave your shoes within reach and I'm like, "Challenge accepted."


On Sleeping in our Bed


Me--You know you have your own bed, right?

Rex (L) and your author (R)

Rex--Yeah, I have my own bed, but yours is much more comfortable. Besides, I can't really see the television from the floor. Watching the news before I doze off is the recipe for a good night's rest.


Me--*rolls eyes*


Rex--Don't do that. Your eyes will get stuck in your skull.


On Sniffing Tires


Me--Why? What's the fascination?


Rex--I can't explain it. Some people with OCD have to place things in a certain order, I have to smell every tire on every vehicle in a two mile radius.


Me--Yeah, but sometimes you pee on them then sniff them again.


Rex--Mind your own business.


On Fishing


Me--It would be pretty cool if you could fish with me.


Rex--*blank stare*


Me--What?


Rex--I don't have any thumbs.


This is just a sample of our conversations. Sometimes we discuss geopolitical issues, or have conversations centered on religion. He is a devout Catholic, but has been caught drinking Holy Water on a few occasions. Apparently, that is frowned upon.

Nap time